Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thwarting of massive terror plot.

Thwart the terrorist! Arrest the Islamic fundamentalist. Warn the world of the Islamic fascists. Increase border patrols. Profile the non-believers. Sniffer dogs in shools. Phone-tap every citizen. Miro-chip every child. A police officer on every street. A prison in every town. More soldiers. More tanks. More machines. Make being unemployed a crime. Make being poor a crime. Make laughing an offense.

Fearsome New Terrorist Air Bomb Plot
Chilling Terror Recipe circulating on Internet!

Police authorities in Washington and London today announced the arrest of 127 alleged participants in a new threat to air travel. The terror group, with Middle Eastern connections, had been under surveillance for some time and is reported to have been approaching final stages of planning for talking about doing terrorist stuff. One member of the group "was arrested while hailing a taxi, and has been charged with intending to travel to an airport while in possession of possibly explosive bodily fluids" said Peter Cluck, Head of the Metropolitan Police Service Anti-Terrorist Branch. At least one rap martyrdom tape was found during raids across England on Tuesday.

The Guardian newspaper, citing unidentified British government sources, reports monitoring of the group's communications has revealed a chilling scheme to apply high-tech biological techniques to defeat air security, and commit acts of mass terrorism. The plot involves a biologically inert blood substitute fluid, available for some time for use in emergency surgical procedures. The product carries dissolved oxygen much as natural blood does, while avoiding immune system reaction when a needed rare blood type is unavailable. Security sources revealed bad chemists have learnt how to modify the product to also carry explosive chemical groups. Suicide bombers are now able to bomb, without carrying any physical bomb - only the hellish fluid in their own veins.

Paul Staphenson, Metropolitan Police Deputy Commissioner speaking to AP described the modified fluid as still able to function for some time as blood, although there are a variety of side effects such as progressive peripheral necrosis, and degraded neurological function with wide-spectrum behavioural impairment. Loss of tactile sensation, devolution of metabolic integration, and emphasis of primal thought patterns, grant the subject both persistent focus on their objectives, and a terrifying ability to ignore astonishingly severe physical injuries. Authorities in Pakistan conducting interrogations in the eastern city of Lahore and in Karachi, report nine out of ten aspiring suicide bombers find these side effects of the artificial blood substitute, including ultimately death, not a problem.

Metropolitan Police sources speaking on condition of anonymity because of their sensitive skin conditions describe the suspects arrested in London's eastern suburb of High Wycombe and currently being held indefinitely without charge under anti-terrorism laws as holding similar extremist views.

In its original form the fluid is near colorless, producing a pronounced and unnatural skin pallor when used to replace blood. However the terrorist groups have apparently experimented with artificial dyes, producing blood substitutes with near-normal tints. Slight remaining differences are more difficult to observe in subjects with darker skin coloring.

Detonation of the blood substitute, and thus the subject's corpus, is initiated either by a mobile phone held against the ear, or for a somewhat less effective explosion, simply clapping the hands together sharply. Some other bodily functions may risk premature detonation, such as coughing, and passing wind.

Home Secretary John Roid said the government was "confident" the ringleaders were in custody but it was not complacent. "We are naturally concerned that copycat groups may use this information to attack us while we are distracted" he said.

The plot presents airport security services with a new class of detection challenge, according to Stephen Nulson, chief executive of British Airports Authority.

"This is a serious matter." said Nulson "After all, the average terrorist is composed of 75% fluids - the potential risk is felt to be extremely high."

"We now have to suspect anyone appearing either particularly pale skinned, or of darker skin tone. Airport security personnel will be given special training in color matching and comparison. Travellers whose skin tone appears different from that on their passport photo will be given specially careful screening" a U.S. Transportation Safety Administration official said.

A U.S. congressman briefed by intelligence officials, who did not want to be identified because of the sensitivity of his AIPAC donations, said U.S. intelligence had intercepted terrorist chatter. "There are recipes for the artificial blood alteration and infusion methods circulating on the internet" he said.

Frances Townsand, White House homeland security adviser, speaking to CNN, described documents found on a computer at an internet cafe during the recent police raids across the US, indicating that elements of the group still at large are working on developing a chemically timed form of spontaneous venous detonation. At present the method has not been perfected, and only results in spontaneous combustion. However development is claimed to be ongoing, and experts suspect the desired effect may be achievable. Allowing suicide bombers to simply explode mid flight, over American cities, without ever using their mobile phones. Authorities hope to stymie such actions by banning mobile phones in carry-on luggage.

A government spokesman who cannot be identified because he is authorised to lie said "It is crucial to maintaining our freedoms that terrorists be prevented from attempting to not use mobile phones on planes. We consider this will hardly inconvenience law abiding airline passengers, since mobile phones never work on planes at cruising altitude anyway. ....oops."

"We are involved in a long wide dark scary and deep struggle against very evil people" John Roid said, speaking to MSN News.

After the discovery last month of a plot to cause mass mayhem in the air using nitrocellulose (gun cotton) woven into normal-seeming apparel and undergarments, and the interception of a container load of designer-label explosive underpants destined for online sale, the Department of Homeland Security imposed a permanent ban of all wear-on clothing on trans-atlantic flights.

"We have zero tolerance for exploding underpants. I'm not prepared to let my guard down, and so these terrorist garments are simply not on." U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Cherkoff said then.

At the time airline executives claimed the ban would adversely affect revenues, however as it turned out passengers quickly accepted the new travel requirements. In addition to the increased passenger safety assurance there have been other positive aspects, such as faster, streamlined airport checkin procedures. Passengers no longer have to queue as they remove their shoes, since they are barefoot. Also, bodily visual scans and pat downs are greatly facilitated, metal detector gates now register fewer false alarms, and travellers selected at whim for cavity searches are processed far more conveniently for all.

"Faced with intended mass murder on an unimaginable and horrific scale, these further security measures are essential and present relatively minor additional inconvenience to the travelling public." said Stephen Nulson.

Passengers wishing to fly are now required to drain their blood into the bins provided. In future as a courtesy alternative, they may elect to demonstrate their bodily non-explosive nature via a controlled test detonation of either hand. No-bid contracts for development and supply of the airport hand-detonation machines have been awarded to DieBold - an industry leader in the fields of secure automated fraud terminals, massively online fantasy election gaming and virtual democracy simulation. The machines are expected to greatly streamline the detection of terrorist intent, due to the integrated suspect-detaining spiked wrist clamp, electroshock module, and high-speed blood pulp component analysis - able to scan for several abnormal blood factors in addition to the explosive blood substitute. Also checked: blood boiling, blood running cold, unAmerican traces down to the parts per million level including Libert-ine, Constituoate, Incredulite, complexes of Fox-MSN-CNN disbelene, Impeachmentic Acid, Cynicrose, PaperBallotics, Anarchate, Interneted Spirits and Vio-revolutex.

The Department of Homeland Security raised the Terror Fear Color Alert Level to Red, shading to Crimson, High Gloss, still a bit tacky but should be dry to touch by tomorrow.

U.S. President George W. Lush, still on holiday at his ranch where his false flag operations centre is located, spoke to AP by phone "You know, when you have resentment and anger, that breeds... to kill for an ideology. If you don't have high standards, you get lousy suiciders — our fellow citizens are now a stark reminder at war with those of us... who love freedom. Just wait."

From Unknown but humourous Iraqui comedians, reprinted with thanks, as willfull and blatant plagiarism.